My Bad
by The Werewolf Mage
Summary: James has been caught by Lily. What was he doing? Hexing Snape of course! Can he make things up to his wife before it's too late?
1. Chapter 1

Title: My Bad

Summary: James has been caught by Lily. What was he doing? Hexing Snape of course! Can he make things up to his wife before it's too late?

Note: I know the title is probably, most likely, not in their slang, but I think it fits. Rereading the fifth book gave me the idea. You know, the part where Harry is talking to Sirius and Remus about what he saw in Snape's Worst Memory, and Sirius says that Lily never knew that James had not stopped hexing Snape? That part.

It won't be a long fic, but it's not a one-shot either.

Chapter 1

James Potter was tired. His feet were aching and he was bored out of his skull. Newlywed life was nothing like he had expected.

Even with the threat of Voldemort hanging over their heads, he expected some peace and quiet with his wife, Lily. Not a shopping expedition.

She had dragged him out of the house and to Diagon Alley first thing in the morning. For the first hour, he blinked sleepily and yawned. Now, he was wide awake. And ready to find something to eat.

As he headed towards The Leaky Cauldron to see what Tom was offering for lunch, he bumped into someone. He quickly muttered an apology, but even more quickly wished he could take it back.

Severus Snape was glaring at him, having just entered Diagon Alley. James glared back.

"Potter." Snape said coldly.

"Snivvy."

Snape looked as though he was going to keep walking, so James turned to the pub. His hunger was more important than a jealous, greasy git.

Until said jealous, greasy git pulled out his wand. James felt something hot pass by his arm. He ignored his arm and turned to Snape, drawing his own wand as he went.

"You need to work on your aim rather than worrying about whether or not Voldemort finds you reliable." James spat. He flicked his wand, sending Snape crashing into a large stack of cauldrons. The noise they made as they came crashing down was enough to draw attention to everyone in Diagon Alley.

And probably a few Muggles who did not know it existed as well.

Of course James had not meant to send Snape flying like that. And he, of course, was only defending himself.

But arguing that with Lily, who seemed to materialize out of nowhere right in front of him, her hands on her hips and her expression furious, was looking to be impossible.

"Ah, Lily," James began, pocketing his wand and finally noticing the blood that was staining the sleeve of his robes, "it's not -- "

"Home." she hissed. "Now."

And with James still stammering, she grabbed his arm, the injured one, and Disapparated.

"Ow" was the first thing James said as he pulled his injured arm from her grasp. "What was that for?" he demanded, not looking at her but instead examining the cut on his arm.

Lily did not notice.

"What do you think that was for?" she demanded. "Why on earth would you jump at the chance to attack Snape? In a public place of all places!"

James stared at her, finally realizing she was oblivious to the blood coming from his arm, the blood she had gotten on her hand as she grabbed his arm, and the few drops of blood that was dripping on the floor as she shouted at him.

"I did not start it!" James finally managed to get out. "I was hungry and I bumped into him. On accident. He hexed me when I was heading into the pub."

"I'm so sure." Lily said, this time sounding hurt. "James, I thought you had grown up. But you're a child."

"I am no such thing!" James said, looking offended. "Honestly, Lily, he hexed me and I hexed him back. What did you expect me to do, thank him and ask him to hex me again?"

"You could have walked off." she said in a tiny voice. But then her voice got stronger as she became angry again.

"But you didn't! You had to hex him! In public!"

"I'm sorry!" James told her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! How many times must I say it? Now if you'll excuse me..." He trailed off and turned towards the bathroom with the intent of cleaning and bandaging his arm.

"I'm not finished." she told him.

"Well I am. If you can't believe me, there's no point in arguing."

"Then there's no point in you staying here, is there?" Lily asked, folding her arms across her chest.

James slowly turned to face her. "What do you mean?" he asked. "It's my house, isn't it?"

"Partly mine." Lily said. "And until you grow up, I don't want you here. Go stay with Sirius or someone. Just get out of here for now."

James opened and closed his mouth several times, like a fish gasping in air. Finally, he turned on his heel and headed to their room, Summoning a bag as he went.

All of this because of a simple mistake. He wasn't sure he was the one who needed to grow up.

But he was bound and determined to show Lily how mature he really was.


	2. Chapter 2

My Bad

Note: I would like to add a my bad of my own. I've been so engrossed in other things, a new obsession, that I forgot to update every other day besides every day. Once things settle down, I'll go back to every day.

Chapter 2

James found himself settled on Sirius's couch, cleaning and dressing the wound on his arm, while Sirius shook his head.

"I think she went a bit overboard, mate." he said. "But you can stay here. I don't see how that would help you act more mature..." he said, trailing off with a grin. A grin that James did not return.

"It's not funny! She's gone mad, I'm telling you. He hexed me, I hexed back. Nothing wrong with that, is there?" James demanded.

"No there's not. Self defense and whatnot. But this is Evans-Potter we're talking about here. Remember? She seems to think every time you raise your wand you're doing it just to be funny and joke."

James sighed and tossed the rag he was using to clean his cut to the floor. "That's for sure." he muttered, pointing his wand at his arm. He muttered a simple enough spell that mended his wound in an instant.

His robes, however, he was just going to toss. No need to repair them. He could always buy more.

"So, Sirius began, sitting across from him, "so, how are you going to go about proving to the wonderful Lily Evans that you, sir, are an adult?"

"I'm already an adult..." James said, his lower lip stuck out in a childlike pout. A second later, though, he broke out into a genuine grin. "Who knows?" he said in answer to Sirius's question. "But I do know it'll take a lot of work."

"And I'm willing to help."

"Thanks..." James said slowly. "But I'd like to enlist Remus to help me." At the look on Sirius's face, James quickly said, "Us, help us. You two help me."

Sirius nodded. Then he grinned again. "I just wish I could have been there. I would have loved to see Snivvy's face when he went crashing into all those cauldrons."

"Classic." James said with a faint smile. "You would have loved it."

"I always miss everything." Sirius said with a sigh.

"That you do." James murmured. "But," he said, getting to his feet, "we might not. Come on. Let's head to Hogsmeade. I always think better in the middle of a sugar frenzy."

Sirius could definitely agree with that idea.

And minutes later, the two of them were inside Honeyduke's, loading up on sweets. Chocolate Frogs, Sugar Quills, Ice Mice, slabs of chocolate, and James's favorite, Licorice Wands.

"Think this'll help you think?" Sirius asked as the three of them headed out of the shop.

"If nothing else, it'll make me feel better." was James's (slightly muffled due to a mouth full of licorice) answer.

"That's the spirit." Sirius mumbled, pouring an entire bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Bean in his mouth. Right after, he pulled a disgusted face.

James chuckled. "Right, so," he said, swallowing his mouthful of licorice, "Lily. Where do I go from here?"

"You prove to her that you are an adult. That you don't think simple things like hexing Snape for the fun of it is not amusing anymore."

James waved a Licorice Wand at Sirius. "You just gave me an idea." he said slowly. "Would you like to hear it? And help me?"

"Oh I don't know... depends on how helpful I can be." Sirius smirked.

"See, what we'll do," James began, dropping his voice, "is we'll find Snape. We'll make sure that Lily is around somewhere. Somewhere nearby. And you, my very mate in the whole world, will hex Snape -- "

"Oh, I like this plan."

"-- and I will not find it amusing."

Sirius looked doubtful. "I do love this idea, but are you sure it'll work? Knowing you, you'll laugh until your sides split. Snape Hexing was a major game for us at school."

"Exactly. And when I don't find it funny..." he trailed off hopefully.

"You'll seem adult? Mature?"

"Right." James nodded.

Sirius sighed softly. This did make sense to him, but pulling it off, especially keeping James from laughing, that was going to be hard. At least they had the night to plan.


	3. Chapter 3

My Bad

**Note: OK, this chapter makes me giggle. I think Sirius did it on purpose. How about you guys?**

Chapter 3

James and Sirius had some idea of where Snape would be the following week. How Sirius found that out, James did not want to know. But they lay in wait outside Flourish and Blotts. And James spotted Lily at the moment Sirius spotted Snape.

"Hey, Snivvy," Sirius began causally, as though he were greeting an old friend. "Heading inside? I would expect you to be in Knockturn Alley."

Snape glared at Sirius and tried to push his way past him.

"I need a favour from you, Snivvy," Sirius said, dropping his voice so that only Snape could hear.

"Sorry, Black. Much too busy to be your target."

Sirius pulled out his wand but Snape was quicker than he was. "_Impedimenta!"_

Lily looked appalled by the duel going on between Snape and Sirius. James, however, seemed very interested in a lazy white cloud floating across the sky.

In truth, Sirius had taken James's wand and hidden it so he would not be tempted to hex Snape.

Just as Lily turned to walk off, there was a flash of light, followed by the cluck of a chicken.

She turned around in time to see a large black chicken running around in circles and Sirius near hysterics. He seemed to be trying to say something but whatever it was was drowned out in his laughter.

She glanced hopefully towards James. He had not done anything to Snape, and that she was proud of. But then she saw the corners of his mouth twitching. She felt like laughing on her own, but then she just shook her head and walked off, with James and Sirius's laughter echoing in her ears.

Meanwhile, Sirius had managed to get out what he was trying to say. "He's even greasy as a chicken!" Which caused James to really let out the laughs he was holding back.

"I think you did that on purpose." James said as Sirius pulled his wand out of his robes and handed it to him. But he muttered the counter-curse and human Snape now sat on the pavement, glaring at them both. The two Disapparated before he could hex them.

"I did not! He was trying to kill me!"

"I'm sure he wasn't." James said as he sank down on the couch, still smiling.

"Well, OK, he wasn't trying get out the Killing Curse but it was all I could think of."

"You know what this means, don't you?" James asked, his tone now sad.

Sirius sank down on the couch next to him and threw his feet up on the coffee table. "Back to the drawing board, eh?"

"Yeah."

James leaned back against the couch and shut his eyes. How could he prove to Lily he was mature and against hexing people randomly now? Besides snapping his wand in half, that is. He would never do that.

So far, he had shown that he could not hex Snape. Granted, he had cheated that way. But still, all he had done was a counter-curse.

And she had walked off before seeing it.

"Sirius?"

"Hmm?"

"What is it that girls like?"

Sirius glanced at James out of the corner of his eye. "I don't think I'll give you the answer you'll want." he muttered.

"Right, right." James found himself yawning. He wouldn't mind a nice nap. It sounded good and maybe an answer would come to him while he was sleeping.

And one idea did just that.

James woke up a half hour later feeling somewhat better. "Tomorrow, mate, you and me," he began, "we're going to go see Moony."

"Why?" Sirius asked, not bothering to look up from the crossword puzzle in that afternoon's copy of _The Daily Prophet._

"Because he can answer what girls like and want to hear."


	4. Chapter 4

My Bad

**Note: I wanted to update something else so bad but I had to update this, otherwise it would never be updated at all.**

**And don't you hate "database errors" that don't mail out your alerts?**

Chapter 4

Sirius and James sat at Remus's kitchen table, quills poised over their parchment. They both looked eagerly towards him while Remus looked back at them, confused.

"Let me get this straight," Remus began slowly, "you hexed Snape after he hexed you. Lily saw it. She kicked you out, you're staying with Sirius, and you had Sirius hex Snape while you tried not to laugh?"

James nodded. 

"But you laughed," Remus added, "and now you're back to square one? And how do I come into this?"

"You tell us what women like and what they want." Sirius said.

Remus turned his gaze to Sirius. "And how am I supposed to know that? You're the one who has some woman on his arm just about every night."

"Yes, but you, all puns aside, can be serious. While James and I are jokesters forever."

Remus sighed softly. This was not something he wanted to get involved with. But knowing James and Sirius, they would have gotten him involved in some other way.

Some other way he did not even want to think of.

He sat down in the empty chair across from them and asked, "Well, what do you want to know? I'll try my best to give you some kind of helpful answer."

Satisfied that Remus would not lie to them, James asked, "What do women want? What do they like? What do they look for most?"

Remus propped his chin up on his hand and stared at the ceiling, deep in thought. Slowly, he said, "Well, I would assume a woman would want a mature, sometimes serious, sometimes joking man. I mean, sometimes jokes are OK to make. And I suppose women love to laugh."

"Not Lily." James muttered, scrawling away. "I don't think I can think of a time I've made her laugh."

"Because you've always been more cruel than funny." Remus pointed out.

James scowled while Sirius smiled and nodded. "That's us." he said. "Cruel and yet funny at the same time. Just not funny enough I guess."

Ignoring them, Remus added, "I suppose they like gifts, like flowers, jewelery or -- "

"CHOCOLATE!" Sirius and James shouted at the same time. James added, "Are you answering for women, Remus, or answering for you?"

"Women." Remus said. "Keeping goofing around and I won't help you at all."

James shrank back in his seat and muttered, "Yes, sir."

"Tell her she's pretty and that she means everything to you. Even if you think she knows it, I'm sure she'd like to hear it no matter what. Unless, of course, it's at an inopportune time." Remus glanced more at Sirius after he said that.

"And I guess just be yourself. Don't change for anyone, just try to do less and less of your cruel joking ways."

"Thanks Moony!" James said, rolling up his parchment. "But if this doesn't work," he added, "I won't buy you anymore chocolate for as long as I live!"

"And if it does?" Remus asked with a grin.

"Then chocolate, flowers, and a pretty bracelet for you." James laughed.

"See? That's what I mean. That was a simple joke and you didn't have to pull out your wand and hex anyone for it."

James nodded slowly. It was time to put Remus's advice into action. And hope against hope it would work.


End file.
